I AM SORRY
re·pent·ance [ri-pen-tns, -pen-tuhns] noun
1.deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2.regret for any past action.
1.deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like.
2.regret for any past action.
During one of my experiences on my journey in 2011, I was staying in a homeless shelter. Every week a church van comes by and shuttles anyone who is willing to attend to an evening bible study, and one particular day I was drawn to go. The brother who was preaching that evening was speaking of "repentance" in a Christian biblical sense. He said we must apologize for our wrongdoings, our sins (which technically the word "sin" simply means "to forget" or "to miss the mark").**
It seemed to me that there was no passion behind his words and non-existent actions. That this is what the bible says to do, so you should do it. Where is the burning flame of desire to be cleansed? Blah blah blah... I reckon anyone can recite anything... but does that make it so?
I questioned this, as I have experienced liberation through confession and repentance, but I've had to follow the thread from an external trigger all the way to the bottom of the well, to my very core and ask for forgiveness from this place of the deepest grief. The breakthrough into my own deep grief consciously for the first time brought hours of realizing my behaviors as a victim, and so many layers of the Sacred Wounds underneath. Staying with these feelings, asking to feel more as soon as my tears let up, going back into the trauma again and again, all of a sudden I felt empty, hollow. Nothing there. No pain, no story, no nothing. If you were to ask me the next day or even now, I couldn't tell you what the story was about as it has been deleted from my soul. After the nothingness, I asked for Divine Love. I felt forgiven. I felt like I was wrapped up as an innocent little child being held in the arms of Mother Mary, allowing myself to sink into the softness of her bosom and gentle caresses, crying because I felt the exquisite beauty of feeling completely received. Feeling an amazing sense of wonder and watching as joy and bliss entered my heart to fill the space where there was only once pain and sorrow.
A simple "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it, especially if it is something we're told to do and don't honestly feel sorry, or we lack feeling the connection as to why from our own hearts. If you're not sorry, at least be honest with that and don't pretend to be! We can ask to be able to feel into a particular wound where we have been wronged and the victim, and the opposite, ask to feel that same wound where we have done wrong and have been the perpetrator. AH HA! This is where it gets sticky, because we're generally taught to only be the continual victim, and it can take much courage and humility to admit where we were wrong. Although I see great changes happening in the world, it has been common that not many people have taught the circumstances that show up in our lives (Law of Attraction) is because we have it within us to be both the violator and the violated. This is our individual journeys, one we share with many others. When we get real and feel this as well, then we can understand and attract the real healing of our souls.
The following Healing Prayer is one I obtained from my "teacher who I put on a pedestal" who (now that I really feel no one is above or below anyone else) is now a beloved brother to me. I used to pray with this prayer every single day (and still do sometimes) in order to "get real" with my soul. Being open and accessible with this particular prayer taught me how to access the tenderness of my soul, to be honest with myself, as painful as it was (and still is sometimes) to feel I am the victim AND the perpetrator. Ouch. And Yeah! For doing this, not only does the pain start to move and dissolve, but in it's place, from that space of deep grief, asking for Divine Love opens the door to knowing. To feeling the absolute Divine Love of our Mother/Father. To know that the only thing that is real is this Love, everything else can be embraced in fire of this Love, and the soul is heard, bringing the ultimate knowingness that all is forgiven.
Here is the beautiful prayer for you, take a moment, breath deeply, centering yourself into stillness.
Take a deep breath and let out the first line "AHHHHH..." with a big sigh.
Take your time with this prayer, feeling each bit.
How does this resonate?
What do you feel when you really connect with this prayer?
What words stand out the most to you right now?
That's the place to go into self inquiry with in this moment.
I suggest keeping a journal by your side to explore whatever comes up so you have the opportunity to be complete with it.
Feel free to share your feedback, I'll keep it confidential unless you consent otherwise.
Thank you for being you.
Namaste,
Gail
HEALING PRAYER TO GOD
by Shmeymi Padma AO
AHHHHH....
My Beloved Father Mother God
Creator of Heaven and Earth, Creator of all Universes, Creator of my soul
God of all gods, God of Love
My Love of loves
I love You
Come, surround me
Fill me, fulfill me
I move ALL of me towards you
Help me to receive more of Your Divine Love
Help me to feel all the pain and harm I have ever received from anybody
Help me to feel all the pain and harm I have ever done to anybody
Help me to feel all the pain and harm I do to myself
Forgive me Father
Have mercy on me, for all I have done
Help me to be truly humble and feel everything
Help me to feel the true causes of all my soul wounds
Help me to Know and live by Your Divine Truth
May Thy Will be done
I love You, with all my heart, with all my might, with all my soul
Help me to love my soul as You love me
I own nothing
Help me to open my heart, my soul, to the inflowing of Your Divine Love
My purpose is to unite with You
May this Be how I Am in all my thoughts, feelings, words and deeds, with all people
Now, and Forever more
Ah-mayn
by Shmeymi Padma AO
AHHHHH....
My Beloved Father Mother God
Creator of Heaven and Earth, Creator of all Universes, Creator of my soul
God of all gods, God of Love
My Love of loves
I love You
Come, surround me
Fill me, fulfill me
I move ALL of me towards you
Help me to receive more of Your Divine Love
Help me to feel all the pain and harm I have ever received from anybody
Help me to feel all the pain and harm I have ever done to anybody
Help me to feel all the pain and harm I do to myself
Forgive me Father
Have mercy on me, for all I have done
Help me to be truly humble and feel everything
Help me to feel the true causes of all my soul wounds
Help me to Know and live by Your Divine Truth
May Thy Will be done
I love You, with all my heart, with all my might, with all my soul
Help me to love my soul as You love me
I own nothing
Help me to open my heart, my soul, to the inflowing of Your Divine Love
My purpose is to unite with You
May this Be how I Am in all my thoughts, feelings, words and deeds, with all people
Now, and Forever more
Ah-mayn