Swells
Swollen
Like a plump grape
I judge myself
Not thin enough
Cycles of fear
Spin round in my head
Holier than thou
Less than thou
Warm hope resides
Inside I know this
But only on the fringes
Of the outer limits
There is nowhere to hide
Bulging gut super-exposed
Ugliness shines through
Through I try to hide it, this false mask of pretty
The seas of unworthiness
Sometimes tidal waves
Sometimes still water
Always in movement
Daylight seems so far away
Forgiveness
She tells me
You know the way home
Unspoken dreams of the ego
Writhing in her own pain
Self perpetuated suffering
Monotonous discovery
Reaching out to quench
An insatiable thirst
To be needed
To be loved
Dirty mange that stems
From undiscipline
Knowing and apathetic
Victim
Hissing and spitting
Internal anger seethes
Escaping through the pours
Of the soul's wounds
Horrified
Ashamed
Persecution
Self Pity
Blasphemous in tone
Built up in a rage
Curses! Curses!
Fucking Denial!
Shadow
She creeps in
Silently
She takes over
But the walls are glass
It's easy to see where she is
Filling every single corner
With her billowing black smoke cloud
Inevitably there is no escape
As she crashes into me
Pummeling me into a corpse
Dying a thousand deaths
Oh God!
When does it end?
Turned around for only a second
Remembering I cannot go back
The bridges are burnt
I've already watched their magnificent flames
Reveling in their glory
Cherishing their death
What to do? What to do?
With this swollen ego?
The one that holds me captive?
Prisoner to my own life
Wake up from another's dream
Feel further feel farther feel farther feel further
feel farther feel Father feel Father feel farther
feel feel feel feel
feel feel feel feel Father feel
Whispering now on my knees
I pray to You
There is no more I can do
Please, take me
Hold me
I give to you my grief
...Loving Father...
...Merciful Father...
Your child I AM
In You I'M Possible
Gail Trojanowski
June 15, 2012
Like a plump grape
I judge myself
Not thin enough
Cycles of fear
Spin round in my head
Holier than thou
Less than thou
Warm hope resides
Inside I know this
But only on the fringes
Of the outer limits
There is nowhere to hide
Bulging gut super-exposed
Ugliness shines through
Through I try to hide it, this false mask of pretty
The seas of unworthiness
Sometimes tidal waves
Sometimes still water
Always in movement
Daylight seems so far away
Forgiveness
She tells me
You know the way home
Unspoken dreams of the ego
Writhing in her own pain
Self perpetuated suffering
Monotonous discovery
Reaching out to quench
An insatiable thirst
To be needed
To be loved
Dirty mange that stems
From undiscipline
Knowing and apathetic
Victim
Hissing and spitting
Internal anger seethes
Escaping through the pours
Of the soul's wounds
Horrified
Ashamed
Persecution
Self Pity
Blasphemous in tone
Built up in a rage
Curses! Curses!
Fucking Denial!
Shadow
She creeps in
Silently
She takes over
But the walls are glass
It's easy to see where she is
Filling every single corner
With her billowing black smoke cloud
Inevitably there is no escape
As she crashes into me
Pummeling me into a corpse
Dying a thousand deaths
Oh God!
When does it end?
Turned around for only a second
Remembering I cannot go back
The bridges are burnt
I've already watched their magnificent flames
Reveling in their glory
Cherishing their death
What to do? What to do?
With this swollen ego?
The one that holds me captive?
Prisoner to my own life
Wake up from another's dream
Feel further feel farther feel farther feel further
feel farther feel Father feel Father feel farther
feel feel feel feel
feel feel feel feel Father feel
Whispering now on my knees
I pray to You
There is no more I can do
Please, take me
Hold me
I give to you my grief
...Loving Father...
...Merciful Father...
Your child I AM
In You I'M Possible
Gail Trojanowski
June 15, 2012